FAMILY LEGACY LETTER #3

The After I'm Gone Letter

A most valuable guide to help your family and those grieving through the first 90 days after your departure. An opportunity to leave a step-by-step guide through a potentially confusing minefield when you're not here.

What to do in the first 90 days. This is the one form, I believe, which is more valuable from a personal viewpoint than any of the others. This tool is extremely valuable—what you now have is a chance to help guide your spouse or your family through the maze of emotional paralysis, confusion and terror.

You can document right here, a blueprint, a roadmap, a checklist, for your loved ones to follow. All the things, they would really love to have your input on. What to do, when to do it, and maybe even WHY.

Remember the first thing to do here is take a deep breath. It's your chance to help your family be really clear about the practical things as well as advice and guidance, you'd like to pass on. Remember all the stuff in your head which you’d love to be able to share to make the first three months after you've gone a little less daunting for everyone else. Your family will be suffering from emotional paralysis and they’re sure to encounter this, and this checklist will make sure that your intentions are there without anyone having to argue with each other as to what they all individually thought you would have wanted to have done. My aim is to ensure the family doesn't squabble or argue after you've gone.

Think, through what they would need to do in the first week. Who would need to know what has to happen. Now is the time to do it while we're alive and healthy. All the way through until the end of the third month, when you can give permission to those left behind to get on with their lives when the time is right. Help them understand they can grieve first, but eventually it's okay to let go. Life has to go on and that's what you'd want for them.

Here's your chance to guide them through this difficult period. Almost as if you are there by their side. This document could be your greatest work and the most valuable document you leave. I know you will complete this with pride.

Day 1 to day 30. This is what we call the Critical Response. You can see these on the on the example sheet. Do this at your own pace. Fill out the document to the best of your capability and leave all the clues. Leave what's in your mind for those you love and those who care for.

Day 61 to 90, what you're doing here is giving your family permission to clean things out. Not to forget you, but to allow them to move on with their lives and to respect the memory of you.

I've also added a form in here called the Document Manifest, it might be helpful to leave behind real details regarding the location of key documents. Or at least who they should contact to find the documents they’ll need.

Good luck with this. It's important.